She was a mother of five, 3 girls and 2 boys.  The older two had a different father; one we never met nor cared for.  

One day I was out roller-skating with my older sister and brother.  A big black car drove up and a tall dark man came out, grabbed my older sister and brother, threw them into the back seat of the car and took off, leaving me standing there by myself.  I started to cry not understanding why this man did not take me with them. My mom heard my sobs came running out asking “what’s wrong honey, but all I could do was point my finger in the direction the car had gone and continued to cry.  When my mom finally calmed me down and realized that in fact her ex-husband had kidnapped her two older children she immediately called the police but no trace of them were ever found. This incident was never discussed again and growing up I soon forgot about my older siblings and just how much this really hurt my mom.

Why do I share this with you; Because most of my life there was an assumption on my part that mom would always be there for me; Yes for ME!!  Selfish? I guess you might think so, but as far as I’m concerned I truly loved my mom ad believed as long as I needed her she would be there for me.  None of my other siblings mattered, only me. My mom was my heart, her life was my life, her living pumped the blood through my veins, her prayers saved me, her love provided me the assumption and belief she would live forever and always be there for me.  So, living w/o her was never, ever discussed and if she or anyone attempted to speak with me about her leaving this earth and me alone w/o her, I would quickly and fiercely shut them down. What’s really strange is that I knew I loved my mom more than anyone could possibly love her.  I just never really knew how much I really loved her until life decided to throw me a curb ball. 

Well, you might guess that life was a party for me and being given the keys of beauty, power, position, and rich heritage, I dared anyone to knock me off from the mountain top; Until:

Early one morning, sleeping restlessly in bed with someone I never should have been with, my cell phone rang.  I was startled and surprised as it was 5:15 in the morning. I reached over and grabbed my phone and noted the area code of 941 which was Florida.  My heart suddenly went into palpitations and sweat beads started to appear on my forehead. I flipped the cover of my cell phone open and said: “who is this and what’s wrong”?  The person calling was a good friend of my mom. She said listen, my dear, your mom is okay but an incident happened while she was preaching her sermon this morning. Midway into the sermon she stopped abruptly and said “I wonder what happened to the rest of my sermon.  The Litle People must have taken them”. As I listened to Marie continue relaying the episode of what transpired with my mom, a freezing cold chill came over my body. I felt like an ice statue had inherited my soul and heat was a distant word I could no longer associate with.

I kept asking where is my mommy?  I need to talk to my mommy now! Marie said she is resting at my house and as soon as she awakens I will have her call you.  Upon disconnecting from Marie, I got into the shower, turned the water on and fell on my knees, with the water running over my body.  I started to cry, louder and louder, so loud, in fact, the shower walls started to vibrate. My body felt broken kneeling there in the shower, my tears felt heavier than the water falling on my body.  All of a sudden, my crying and screaming turned to moaning, a deep-throated moaning, uncontrollable moaning. God had revealed to me in the shower, naked, afraid, frightened and alone that he had weighed my situation in the balances and I was found wanting.

My friend came in to try and comfort me, but I wanted no one to touch me.  Something was happening to my mother at although I did not know what the exact cause of her situation was yet I felt that something was wrong and that my mommy would never be the same, more importantly, my mommy would never be the mom I knew, somehow she was different and I was dreadfully afraid to move forward and find out the truth. 

God was going to take my mommy from me and all I could do was watch.  He was really going to take her, WHY??? I did not have the words to pray, nor being so long since I prayed I did not know-how, and quite honestly, I’m not sure I wanted to pray. I felt frozen in time. On the plane back to Seattle, I stayed to myself, no hello’s no good-byes, just silence.  If I did not need to speak to the agents in getting my ticket, I didn’t. I was so sad, so angry, so confused, why was God allowing this to happen to me now of all times NOW.  IF I ever needed my mother, my mommy, my mom, it was NOW!!!!